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Old 19th May 2009, 00:08   #1
Ron380
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Default Official "clean"joke thread

I thought we had an "Official Joke Thread" running around here someplace...

Well, be that as it may:

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.'"
Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she; spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets".

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

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Old 19th May 2009, 00:47   #2
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Default Official "clean"joke thread

A previous post asked about the joke thread.There is one in the private area so I'm going to start one in here for everyone. Please keep these clean enough that you would not be ashamed if your children saw them.
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Old 14th July 2009, 20:10   #3
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Default A Heart Warming Lawyer Story

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate...


He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."


"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."


"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"


"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.


Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind.

Thank you for taking all of us with you."


The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.
You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high.”

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Old 14th July 2009, 22:49   #4
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Old 15th July 2009, 01:48   #5
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Default

That was baa-aaa-aadd.
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Old 15th July 2009, 06:53   #6
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That was baa-aaa-aadd.
I know, but it is clean..!
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Old 15th July 2009, 10:09   #7
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Default

I'm glad someone found one to go in here. It seems the only ones I can remember enough of to repeat can't go in this thread.
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Old 15th July 2009, 10:13   #8
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I'm glad someone found one to go in here. It seems the only ones I can remember enough of to repeat can't go in this thread.
I seem to have the very same problem...!
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Old 15th July 2009, 13:57   #9
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Talking

Back to me then, I guess...

A lady decides she'd like a parrot for a pet. So she goes to the pet store and asks if they have any.

The clerk replies that he only has one left, but he doesn't want to sell it to a lady because it used to belong to sailors and swears a lot.

She says she doesn't care about that, so she gets a good price for the bird and takes it home.

She no sooner gets him set up in the cage at home than the bird starts cussing about the cage, the house, her, everything!

So she grabs the bird out of the cage and sticks him in the freezer...

She returns about 10 minutes later and pulls the bird out and says, "Are you going to behave yourself now?"

The parrot replies, "Yes Ma'am."
"Are you going to talk like that anymore?"
"No Ma'am."
"Do you have any questions?"

"Just one... what did that turkey in there do?!"
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Old 15th July 2009, 17:48   #10
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Default

That is a good one. I heard one similar o that but it can't be told here.
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